The lost document... faith and perseverance

"all the pain and fear... maybe going through that is what keeps us going forward"
- Grey's Anatomy 5.19

Recently I lost something very important to me; a crucial document that could alter my path in life. I was devastated. Since then I have had anxiety on a regular basis, thinking of the "what ifs" and worrying about the effect it would have on my dreams, and future in general.

Looking back I think that it has helped me in many ways. It has helped remind me of its importance and necessity. It has also helped me realise my core group of supporters and rocks. Through this experience I have leaned on a few friends and family members, of whom I thank. I have also gained friendships and respect for others. My professor and Intercordia superiors have been very helpful and reassuring, always telling me to "have faith". Although I was very greatful that they were so supportive, I just couldn't stay positive. That was until I confided in my grandmother, my Baka.

One day I called her fairly upset and she immediately put me at ease. She didn't make excuses for me, but in a non condescending way she reminded me that I needed to be more careful. Then she added that accidents happen and that I NEED to learn from this mistake. She also told me an enlightening story about her grandmother who lost a very important key. Her grandmother was distraught and was panicking. My baka simply told her to pray to St. Anthony and eventually he would help open their eyes within three days. After three days my baka went outside looking for the key and sure enough St. Anthony helped her find it. She also recalled a time when she had lost some important documents. Again she immediately started praying to St. Anthony. Within the day, my uncle found the documents.

At the end of my fundraising event, while embracing me before leaving, my baka whispered, "did you find it?" to which I replied, "no" :( Many would lose faith but not my baka. She said that she would continue to pray.

Today I became anxious and unable to focus like usual. I checked my e-mail; I had received an e-mail I was dreading from my professor regarding my document. Immediately I called my baka and deda. Like always, they remained calm and helped me keep focused. My deda, along with my dear friend Holly an hour before, had convinced me that I would need to take action and speak with my parents. They made me realise that I could not put it off any longer; I would have to confide in them.

The phone call to my parents turned out much better than I anticipated. Like usual, my dad was calm and collected, something he's great at when ever I seem to be nervous or worried about something. He gave me great advice and helped me formulate a game plan.

Consequently, after 2-3 weeks, my anxiety over the whole situation is finally decreasing. I am less worried and more focused.

Looking back, my baka was right. I may not have found my documents within 3-4 days but I my eyes were opened. I was able to get up to courage to speak to all the core people I needed to speak with to get the ball rolling.

One thing is for sure, this process has definitely made me value Beyond Borders significantly more. It has made me appreciate and respect Joanne, Lisa and Mary Bee to a high degree. It has also allowed me to bond with my family and friends, and made me cognitive of my goals in life. I now know for complete certainty that I want to get an internship with a NGO/NPO before attending teacher's college and I need to make sure that I do everything in my power to ensure that that dream is accomplished. I need to care less about frivolous things and more about my goals. This pain and fear of losing another dream has definitely pushed me towards my dreams.

Now I just need to have faith that my dreams are meant to be. Faith and perseverance, those two key words are what I need to have.